Thursday, June 13, 2013

Only One??

Now that Shelby is 6-months old I have people ask me all the time.
'Ready for Another???'
Why do people do that?
It's just like right after you get married people assume you're going to pop a child out.
As IF it's EASY for everyone.
I find these questions a little much.
I know a lot of people don't know any better but it still drives me bonkers.
Or even better?
When you're single and people ask you when you're going to get married.
'Well, MAYBE when I find someone WORTH marrying!'
But going back to the, 'are you ready for another' is when you reply that you're good with only one.
People look horrified and ask, REALLY??
You don't want to give Shelby siblings?
She's going to be an only child?
This is where we are right now.
 I will soon be 38 and Brad is 35.
We aren't young.
Having babies when you're older comes with risks, not to mention less energy.
We have decided that we are happy and content with one child.
I know that may seem selfish to some people but there are several reasons why we have made this choice and I'm not going to go into each reason to justify.
Believe it or not, being an only child isn't a horrible thing as same people might believe.
I have contemplated about writing this post for some time but finally decided to pull the trigger after reading this article.
I think it sums things up pretty well.


MCW said...

You and Brad do whatever is best for your family! I am surprised though! Shelbs is a lucky little girl...

Kate @ Daffodils said...

I hear you! I hate when people ask inappropriate questions or acted shocked when you've made a decision for your family. I can't tell you how often I get "Will you still try for a girl?", like I am disappointed in 3 boys. It drives me crazy!!

Carly Anne said...

I totally, 100% understand this. Even having age on my side, the idea of another child is tough for me to swallow. My pregnancy was a nightmare, my labor was a nightmare, my postpartum experience was a nightmare... I just got to enjoying the fruits of my terrible year recently! And, I have a lot of fears about missing out on a chunk of Vivienne's toddlerhood if I were to start the whole process over again. Bottom line is, we'll be waiting a few years before we attempt number two. And, that's IF I decide I can endure all of that again.

On another note, I was an only child and so far I appear to be just fine. ;)

Jo said...

You don't owe anyone an explanation on such a personal matter. I think there is a very unjust stigma on "only children" in our society. As a mother/teacher I've met the gamut of children and families. What REALLY matters most is the parenting.

Enjoy your little lady and your happy family.


Jordan Cole said...

Ugh, we are already getting the pressure from people. It's incredibly frustrating especially because we're so far off from that. It kills me that you're already getting that after just having a baby, maybe it's because y'all make he most gorgeous looking porcelain looking baby doll babies! I'm glad you're sticking up for your decisions!

lesleyrae0814 said...

I loved being an only child! My mom used to talk about an article called "One Can Be Wonderful" that she would quote when people would ask her about having more kids! I think it's great that you were blessed with sweet Shelby and I completely understand that you're doing what is best for your family.

eas said...

Those comments are so frustrating! I know ppl mean well but they just don't get it.

Tricia said...

I couldn't agree more. It amazes me when I got married, people started asking the baby question...and haven't stopped. People are so stupid to be asking such sensitive questions, especially when they don't know the background. And if I were to have a baby, I'd only have one. :) Miss Shelby is gorgeous and healthy...enjoy her and the happiness she gives you.

LuLu said...

It's because you made one so perfect like Shelbs that the world needs one more. I am proud of you and think Shelby will be the best only child in the world. Good for you for putting it out there.

pinkandgreenpolkadots said...

Long time reader but terrible on the comments until now. I have laughed and cried while reading your blog. My life is quite similar to yours...a great husband I adore, a struggle to have a child (married for 9 years before having our daughter). I too am an "older" mom and we love our family of 3! My daughter is now 5 and I adore each and every day with her. I work full time and can't imagine adding more to my plate, for I feel so blessed to be able to provide so many great things (schools, travel, life experiences) for her! Enjoy your family of 3 and never look back!!!

starnes family said...

Carry on, Dee!

Annie said...

Good for yall! Gotta do what works for your fam!

Sunshine In The City said...

Dee- What ever decisions that are best for you, Brad and Shelby are the BEST decisions. Period. I've been asked several times about #2 and my answer is "I'm still figuring out having 1, we will see." And that's the truth. I'm enjoying every second of being C's mom and right now that's enough. I've always wanted two kids, I'm one of two and so is my husband. But now that I have one, maybe he's enough. Time will tell, I think if we are meant to have another one we will and if we aren't, we won't. I will be happy either way.

KB said...

Thank you for writing this! My son is 3 months old and I told one person I wanted to enjoy his first year and get my body back before # 2 and they replied "Why so you can wreck it again?". Wow. I don't even know if we'll have #2 either. Maybe 1 is what we're meant to have.

Mandy said...

Good for you! Also, I'm an only child!

Unknown said...

Well, I think you hit the jackpot with Shelby- that's for sure! I've never had anyone ask me when I would get married, have kids or have another-I probably offer the info before they can ask-ha! You should obviously make the decision that's best for your family. I'd love to have at least three, but we'll probably only have two, but only God know what my future holds. I do think the article was pretty slanted to support her viewpoint, but as I've quickly learned as a mom - the Internet can provide lots of support and research to any viewpoint their is. Have a great weekend!

Fran @ Sassy Southern Bride said...

Amen sister. I have a hot button for insensitive questions! I have really never understood WHY people ask questions like this. I'm sure they mean well, but questions like that can be hurtful too.

Ashley said...

All of the only children I know LOVED IT! Shelby will too! I often think its selfish to have more kids (mostly for financial reasons), but with two we wont be able to give BOTH everything we were planning to give A back when I thought we were a one and done family. We wont get to travel as much, which makes me a little disappointed. Siblings don't mean they are bffs either...or even like each other :) I cant recall ever being asked that early on!! 6 months is still young anyway!!

Mikelle Jade said...

Well put mama! You have to do what is best! and hey, I grew up an only child and I LOVED it. I am so glad I was raised as an only child! You two are great parents, and Shelby is so lucky!

Leigh Powell Hines said...

I was an only child. I think I wanted to have another child because I grew up as an only child, but now that I have two, I am glad I have two children, but certainly understand why people want just one, and I also understand why people want more than two. Like with anything, there are pros and cons of all.

I will say from a parenting stand-point, having one is easier when they are a certain age. Like my son is a a lot easier now because he'll do his own thing and let me do my own thing. It's kind of nice. My 3-year-old is at a tough age because she demands constant attention so I really enjoy it when it's just me and my son.

As you know, my son was born at the same age as when you had Shelby. I wasn't ready for another child for awhile, and even became pregnant when my son was two when ended up being a miscarriage. I was never really excited about the pregnancy, but with my age I felt I had to have another one before I turned 40. I felt if I wanted to have another child then it needed to be done while I was 39. As an only child, I was fine with one child, but had really hoped to have a girl. Of course no one knows what you will get, and you certainly can't plan a baby on hoping for a certain sex. I got the the point that I thought one was in our cards, and I was done. My husband was hoping for a second child more than me. I got over my "stigma" of having a baby over 40, but actually was not actively trying for a second child when I got pregnant with my daughter. If it happened, great. If not then that was fine, too.

We feel very blessed that we have her, and cannot imagine not having her. It was jut how my family was meant to be, but I have many friends who have just one child and that is how their family was meant to be.

Unknown said...

Selfish? Dear gussy, you had one! I can't even imagine telling someone with a child they are selfish. I can't imagine what "they" might think of me...who decided to have none!

Courtney B said...

I agree, it drives me CRAZY when people do that! We got so sick of people asking us when we were going to have a baby that we started telling them we tried every day. Sometimes 2-3 times a day. HA! They stopped asking real fast after that!
You and Brad are amazing parents no matter what! You don't need to have 5 kids to prove that point. And if you DO decide to have one more kids, you won't need to justify that any more than you need to justify only having one baby. You know? You just have to do what's best for you!

Monica said...

You have to do what's right for YOU and for YOUR family. Screw everyone else. I hear you on the age reason. There are so many risks the older you get. Shelby is perfect and completes your family.