Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Not Necessarily True..........

It's so interesting.
When you tell people you're pregnant they all have opinions, comments and advice of how you're going to feel and react after the baby is born.
I soaked up every.last.word.and.more at the time.
I even made myself sick with worry and anxiety thinking about a lot of it.
So, today's post is to let you into my world and what I found it NOT necessarily TRUE.
I know everyone is different, but I wanted to get this out there so other women can understand that it's not the same for everyone.
Everyone has their own experience.
I'm going to add explanations on maybe why I'm different than the average mom who gave me 'said' advice or opinions.

#1. The 'overwhelmed' feeling.
I never felt this way. I was expecting it but it never came. From day one we were able to put Shelby to bed and enjoy a nice dinner and even a couple of glasses of wine. We were able to enjoy our time together and tag team feedings allowing each other to sleep. I'm chalking it up to several things including: not breastfeeding, Brad being off work, my Mom and family being here for a couple of weeks during the holidays, and Shelby being a great eater and sleeper.

#2. That feeling of 'Wow, what a huge lifestyle change'.
This is a big one that NUMEROUS people felt the need to tell me over and over again that I would feel. They said that because Brad and I are so active and 'on the go' that we were going to be in culture shock when having a baby.
I'm here to tell you......I haven't felt that way once.  I'm not sure what it is but I'm going to say that it's because we tried and waited for so long to have a baby. We did everything and anything we wanted before having a baby that we were ready for this life change. We WANTED this life change. 
We still go and do things..we just take turns and Shelby comes with us other times. I'm DETERMINED not to let the baby rule our household. I think that's the mistake many people make.
Babies know what they are taught.

#3. Being sad to see baby sleep in their own room and crib.
Call me a bad mom, but I was ready to have Shelby sleep in her own room. Brad and I neither one were resting well with her bedside.
I think she's more comfortable being in a real bed anyhoo. I wasn't sad one bit about this milestone. I was proud of her!

#4. Not wanting to let anyone else help out with baby.
I never felt this way either. I was happy to have her sleep in the nursery at the hospital(even though I wasn't happy about her being in the NICU). I also haven't had a problem with having our parents help out and of course, Brad! I have never thought for once that they weren't capable of doing a good job.

#5. Not wanting to leave the baby and get out.
A lot of people told me that I would feel guilty about leaving Shelby and getting out to even go to the store.
Well, again... maybe I'm a bad mom, but I haven't felt bad for one minute about meeting a friend for lunch or dinner and leaving Brad home with Shelby.
In fact, Brad and I are considering a weekend trip alone in a couple of months and having my parents take care of Shelby. Call us bad parents, but I think you have to take care of your marriage too after a baby!!

#6. That I would want to get a divorce.
I had several people tell me this. Not just one. Several people. Everyone admitted it's temporary but that I would most definitely feel that way.
Well, I haven't in the least felt that way.
In fact, it's opposite. I've been totally amazed and feel totally lucky to have such a great husband that wants to be involved and part of every little moment.
In fact, Brad goes back to work next week and I'm going to cry. He's been such a big help and we've navigated this whole parenthood thing together. I credit this due to Brad's personality but also  all of our infertility struggles.

I know there's something else I'm forgetting but this was top of mind today and I wanted to share.
The whole point of this post is to point out the fact that not everything people tell you is true. Take all advice and opinions with a grain of salt.

Anyone, have anything to add?


MCW said...

I love you. And I bet lots of those things people feel/say have to do with age. You (and I) have lived our lives and are ready to make changes. Not making them because we "think" we should. You know what I mean?

starnes family said...

Divorce? Who would say that?!!!!!!!! That's crazy.

I felt overwhelmed because I was 25 and clueless. I think that's expected!

Chrissy said...

Haha! I've never heard of some of these! That you'd want a divorce??? I have no idea what I'd say to that!

I went to a GMM a week after Quinn was born. I had no problem getting out and about or letting other people help! I'm happy you're getting out and about!

People told me I'd be sad to stop breastfeeding...I am not.

donatelli98 said...

Wow interesting comments from people while you were pregnant. Can't say that I felt any of those either other than days that were more stressful after Baby #2 came along and wanting Dennis home so I could have a break. Divorce - seriously? Maybe they didn't marry the right person but obviously you found someone that you knew would make a great husband and father! Kudos to both of you!!

Anonymous said...

Wow! I can't believe people told you that you would want a divorce! That is so rude and they probably should have kept their opinions to themselves! This is such a great post, Dee. Everybody is different, and I'm so glad you have had such a good experience so far :)

Sometimes the things people say, and the opinions they have just make me want to roll my eyes. I know it's not the same by any means, but the more we plan our wedding, the more opinions/comments we have recieved and some of them are just so rude.


Alayna said...

I've been so happy that you haven't been overwhelmed. You've handled everything like a pro. That divorce comment was CRAZY, but I think it depends on your partner, and obviously Brad is a champ. You need to repost this after you go back to work, and see if you comments change. That would be interesting.

Leigh Powell Hines said...

Great post, and I want to say that you are not a bad mom. Trust me, if I had someone to keep my kids, I would have gone away, too. You are lucky to have parents to be able to keep your kids so do take advantage of that.

My son slept in his crib on the first night, and the second time around, I let the diva stay in the room a little longer. :)

I don't remember the other comments now, but the divorce thing is an odd one. That may have been an isolated incident.

I will say that it probably has been nice with Brad there. Will was home for a week. I would have loved longer.

I think someone said you should repost after Brad goes back to work to see if you still feel the same way.

Honestly, I think some people may be cut out for the job of motherhood more than others. It's not an easy job, and hormones do play a role on how one feels, too. I"m glad it's come so easily to you.

I loved the infant years with all the naps, but I do/did find the toddler/two age more challenging because it's more draining. Day in and day out caused a few overwhelming feelings for me.

When my son was a baby...I don't think I was relaxed as I was the second time and I did have some sleep issues with him (we still do a lot) and there were times when I wondered if I would be able to eat a meal again. I would have our dinner ready, and he would cry.

Carly Anne said...

I will never understand people that don't want help with their babies - I will take any and all help that I can get! In addition to it being good for me to get some relief, it's good for baby to be comfortable with other people. It takes a village!

Also, I'm counting down the days until the hubs and I can have a night alone while the grandparents babysit. I agree about needing to make your marriage a priority.

Kate said...

I think you and I could be great friends... Seems like we have the same outlook on all of these situations. You have put them into action, whereas I'm planning to.

LuLu said...

Very well said Dee! I think you are a great mommy to the sweetest little girl! Remember misery loves company and these negative nancys did not want you to do better than them. I am disgusted by the divorce comment!

Sara said...

I never felt that overwhelmed feeling either. And divorce??? Good grief. Who would tell you that?!?! Crazy! Way to put a pregnant girl at ease.
I will say that the lifestyle change does come. We didn't see it until around 6-8 months though. But everyone is different. I wanted my children home and in their own bed by 7pm each night. Which means our evening dinners got pushed to the early bird specials at 5.30pm. HA! I wouldn't trade it for the world though. I love our lifestyle change. And honestly?? Who doesn't want a lifestyle after having a baby?? I know I did. Because I wanted to spend as much time as possible with those sweet boys.
You're a great Mama...keep up the good work!! Shelby's a lucky girl!

Monica said...

I won't call you a bad mom because you're NOT! I 100% agree with everything you wrote in this post. Lyla slept in her room from day 1 and I never once felt bad about that. It's HER room. That's what it's there for.

I was never overwhelmed. Just OVERJOYED. Still am :)

Divorce? Never heard that one before. I am with you. Bobby really stepped up to the plate and is a super great dad. Especially when I had to be in the hospital when she was less than 1 week old. I never loved him more and was so thankful that I did not have to worry one bit about her well being while I was away from home.

I am glad you cleared the air about some of these things for those ladies that are reading and pregnant or planning to have babies in the future.

love jenny xoxo said...

This is awesome!! I haven't gotten a lot of advice because i just started telling people, so this was perfect timing! Crazy what people will say... so weird to me!

Thank you!!!

Ashley said...

I do not relate to others when it comes to many things- We slid into parenting quite easily and we really havent struggled and our marriage is stronger than ever. As you know, I do breast feed and I dont think that really plays a role in it being easy or not. I think it depends on the parents and the baby. I have always felt like ANdrew split the work with me- even if he couldnt nurse her, he made up for it so many other ways and did so many other things.

Ashley said...

I meant I dont relate to a lot of other moms who really struggle with a new baby, but its VERY common. Parents who practice a more attached approach- like bf, co-sleeping, bringing baby everywhere have struggles but a lot of moms I know who DONT do any of those things also struggle. I am happy that you guys have your groove and have slipped into parenting so well. And, it just keeps getting BETTER and BETTER! I miss my baby all the time, but this stage is even MORE amazing. I do like to bring my little buddy with me everywhere if I can and I always have. If I could bring her to work I would!

Ashley said...

I keep thinking about this and I find it so interesting because you and I have the exact experience with the ease of parenting, yet we parent babies so differently! SO, maybe it’s because we had reasonable expectations of what a baby is really about- or maybe because we BOTH have parents SOOO willing to help that we love and trust.. and husbands that pull their weight and taken on the role of parenthood as 50% and we work as a team rather than expecting us to do it all. And, although I am younger, I lived a lot before having a baby- we travelled, we partied, etc. And, maybe we both have incredibly easy babies!

eas said...

I so agree with you on lifestyle change and the not wanting to get out thing. Your daughter will appreciate this and respect you for this when she gets older. I don't get those who lose sight of previous life after having children but I guess we all different and that is a good thing.