In a mere three weeks Brad and I will be married for a year and I’m sure most of you have heard the whole – your wedding guests have a year to give you a gift rule right? Well, there are several people who attended our wedding that have not given us gifts. Yes, it bothers me but I’m sorta over it even though it makes you wonder why?
Did they forget? Are they just cheap? I’m not talking about friends and family who traveled from far away to be at our wedding I’m talking about people who live right here in town. And I'm not talking about those in town who gave us gifts at showers. That counts.
I’m talking about the ones who came, ate, drank, danced and gave nothing. Not even a card.
Just seems tacky. Don’t you think? Especially for those people whom I gave wedding gifts for their wedding, baby showers(one of which was a few weeks before our wedding).
Which takes me to the next part of this topic.
I was recently sent a baby shower invite for a family member who is having her second and lives far..far..away. They’ve been trying very hard and I’m very excited for them. But.. I’m not very close with them anymore and even more?
I gave them a gift for their wedding some 7-years ago even though I did not attend but got nothing from them for our wedding. Seriously? Now I get this invite and am expected to buy a gift?
I think not.
Am I just being snotty? Just for the record. I have never been to a wedding where I didn’t give something. Back in the day I may not have had a lot of money to give big gifts but I gave at least gave something decent.
19 comments:
One of my bestest's said she still hasn't gotten gifts from some folks and she thinks that people think if they give you one gift at a shower that they don't have to give you a wedding gift. I think Emily Post says you technically only have to give one gift but seriously who abides by that??!!
I'm not sure I'd send a baby shower gift to her. Just my opinion!
You are not being snotty at all. Do you think it is possible that some cards were stolen? Just a question because I was just talking to someone about that. Apparently it happens often. We didn't have that issue at our wedding but did have a few who didn't purchase us a gift - only a few though. I completely agree with you (big surprise huh?) - if you live in town and come and enjoy then you need to give a gift - not giving is tacky. As far as the baby shower invite - send a nice card and congratulate them. I would not send a gift.
Since I got married at 23, there were lots of people that didn't give us gifts. Mostly Trey's buddies. BUT, they also traveled to Colorado to attend our wedding so to me...that was gift enough. Plane tickets, hotel, etc...
I'm the worst about wedding gifts though. There are two invites still on my invitation list that I haven't bought for...just b/c I'm lazy. We attended their weddings, but we also attended showers for them and gave gifts (good gifts, I might add) at the shower. Neither of these couples are people we invited to our wedding or baby shower...for that matter, so I'm kind of torn as to whether I want to spend another $50-100 on people that I don't speak to on a regular basis. It's a fine line. Emily Post or not.
I would not send a baby gift to that couple either. LIke Cindy said - a nice card saying congrats is gift enough for someone you're not close to.
Oh girl..do not get me started on this topic. It is right there along with not RSVPing to something you have been invited to. TACKY. I know that I should encourage you to be the better person, but I have started doing something that makes me feel much better.
If someone does not RSVP to something I invite them to, they are no longer on my invite list. I've had a few people ask me why they were cut. I told them.
I have been to so many weddings, wedding showers, baby showers, birthday parties...you name it. And if someone doesn't give me a gift on my big day..you had better be sure I will not forget it. Not that I need any more stuff. Not that I invited them because I wanted something from them. But simply because I have far too many lovely people in my life, who have manners, and who respect me, to keep those that don't around.
Snarky? Perhaps. But honest ;)
Not snotty - but it happens. We got married years ago and I bet 5 sets of couples never gave us anything. I still remember who those people are. Makes me mad. Boycott their showers - I would! ;)
I am not gonna lie, sometimes I cut it pretty close to the year mark. Maybe because I didn't have the money at the time or it kept slipping my mind. But, I ALWAYS send one!
I completely agree with your thoughts. It's not about the cost of the gift or the gift itself....it's about effort.
Some people just completely lack manners these days. It's just plain rude to attend a wedding and never send anything.
We're still getting gifts 3 months after our wedding. In fact, I got one last week from someone whose daughter got married about 2 weeks after I did. And I'm 99.9% sure she gave us a bowl that was given to her daughter who didn't want it because it matches all her other pieces and NOTHING of ours.
Oh well. Happy Tuesday :)
You are so NOT being snotty. I am having the same situation. I wonder why I didn't get wedding gifts from some people too. One of them being one of my best buddies at work. When he got married I got him a nice gift. I got nothing. And I (somewhat) joke with him about it, but he must just not get it. What's more is that several people that my husband works with also didn't give us gifts. Weird. I mean, we see these people every day. It's extremely maddening when they were actually AT the wedding, consuming food and alcohol that were paid for. You've got my blood boiling now! LOL!
Do not send a baby gift merely out of principle.
i am with MCW, late but always sending one.
but please do not send a baby showre gift. it's her second, right? isn't that not cool to do that? listen, i will have a child one day somehow and one shower for that first one. the second and third...just me and Ad need to celebrate.
your sense of entitlement is purely disgusting. there are people praying for a kidney transplant, children hoping to be adopted, brides who cant afford a wedding, mother's who can't pay medical expenses, and all you can do is complain that you didnt get a set of towels?
you need to re-evaluate your priorities, sweatheart.
I think you may just have to wonder about this one forever. Everyone has their own logic when it comes to gift giving.
Sadly, I think manners and etiquette are quickly becoming a thing of the past.
This explains A LOT about our society!
Jo
Anonymous -- WOW! I guess you're scared to reveal yourself?
I wasn't complaining about not getting but about people who come and take after you've given to them and they do nothing. Again, I'm not even talking about people who traveled for our wedding. There are several friends and family who sacrificed to get to our wedding and I told them NOT to give us anything.
I'm talking about friends who didn't even though I've/we've(remember we were both single for years and years and went to weddings BEFORE WE MET) given to them on their wedding day. I"m talking about just a card for gosh sake.
I'm commenting on 2 in 1.....the bathroom looks good, go B! Can't believe you went rollerskating. I would so bust my ass. And bowling, yall are all into fun things. on the gifts, I know we have discussed this before. It's rude and wrong, but you have to get over it and give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they just forgot. Try not to let it keep you from being the bigger, better person and sending them gifts when the time comes. As far as the second baby shower....if you go, take a gift. if you don't go, don't send one! that's how i feel about that!
I totally agree with you. I have one wedding gift I'm behind on... not it's not close to a year! Good reminder that I need to get that card in the mail ASAP!
But I recently got married and I am definitely aware of the people who came and didn't even do a card... definitely tacky!
XOXO
Well, i've never been married...... but I would NEVER attend a weedding and not bring a gift. Crazy. As a family member of Dee's she specifically told us traveling from far away to not worry about bringing gifts. I did go ahead and get something, just because I wanted her to have an item and remember years later who gave it to her for her wedding. People are tacky to comment who DON'T EVEN KNOW HER.
Her wedding was centered on family, friends and fun, and was about celebrating two, amazing people. This was my boyfriend's first time meeting extended family and he still comments on how amazing everyone was, and what a touching wedding.....
I totally understand where you are coming from, and this did happen to us as well. I just tried not to focus on it.
We are extremely generous to all our friends, and it's not about how much is spent, but just the thought and consideration that is way more important to me and probably to you as well.
I was thinking about the anonymous comment and how it was really ugly. Spreading hate and judgement like that never does any good. How do you not know that Dee has not struggled in her life? Maybe a family or friend needs an organ? I don't think posting about a gift (i.e. manners) is that big of a deal. She does not expect a gift; she is talking about reciprocating which I also find a lot of people do not do. No matter what, it is nice to be acknowledged, even when you don't have a pot to piss in. OK? I am leaving my name. You can find me on my blog. And if you want to comment, please do. BUT LEAVE YOUR NAME and speak like an adult and without such anger. I have plenty to be angry about in my life. I have struggled and lost and I still expect people to say thank you and show appreciation!
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