Friends.
I’m not sure if it’s the way I grew up with moving around but I have always had an eclectic group of friends. What I mean by that is that I don’t just have one ‘group’ of girls but instead a hodge podge. For instance – when I have my holiday cookie exchange each year generally I have everyone go around the room to tell how they know me because of half of the women don’t know each other. I was the same way in high school, in that I was friends with people from all different high schools not just the one I went to. College the same – I had friends from my campus job, my internship, other sororities.
The cool part about this? All of my closest friends are the same way in their lives. They have friends from different parts of their lives and strive to keep in touch with them.
Which leads me into the next part of this post. The friends that you make during the different stages of your life.
If you look at this picture there are girls from each part of my life. Birth(family), high school, college, first job, and so on. Half of them had never met each other until the weekend of my wedding, even though they had heard dozens of stories about one another.
Throughout the years there have been other girls that I became close with and that were my ‘gal pal’ at one point in time but, now we aren’t in touch. Some of them I might be ‘friends’ with on Facebook after all these years but haven’t talked to them. I have thought to myself how weird it is that we were such good friends and now we are not and it has nothing to do with a falling out.
I think it’s just that we don’t have anything in common anymore. It still saddens me though.
Now – getting to the real part of this rant. I have had several co-workers over the years tell me that the people that I have in my wedding I will most likely not talk to in 10 or 15-years from now. The reason? You grow apart with differences in spouses, what stage of life each one might be in and so forth. I personally, know that my Mom is only in touch with the family members that stood in her wedding and to me that is sad.
I really work hard at these friendships and no matter what happens hope to always be friends with these girls even though not a ONE of them lives in the Carolinas much less Charlotte. I know it works both ways but I really hope I don’t fall victim to what my co-workers said. I want to grow old with each and every one of them and get to know(or continue to know) their kids, husbands and even pets!
What about you guys? Are you friends with people that were in your wedding? Do you work hard to keep your friendships alive no matter what the distance?
15 comments:
I can see where you co-workers are coming from but I, like you, have strived hard not to let that happen. I had 4 girls in my wedding and I still keep in touch with all of them. Not as often as I would like - but I would still drop anything to be there for them as I know they would for me. Only one lives here in state - the rest live all over the country (just as they did when I got married 12 years ago). That being said, I have several super good friends now that were not in my wedding. If I got married today, my choice of people in my wedding may be different, not that i love those who were in it any less but I have forged some wonderful relationships with girlfriends since i have been married, had kids, worked, etc. I think it is good to have different groups of friends because each of them fills a special place in your life. I am extremely thankful for the girls in my life and am saddened when I think of the ones who I have lost touch with.
Maybe its because some girls get married when they are younger and you CHANGE over the years. We learn how to make friendships work as we get older...
I think that's strange that your coworker threw that out there. I am only 3 years into my marriage, but I only had my Sister, SIL and my two besties as my bridal party so I know I'll still be in touch. But I have lost touch with some others. The girls I grew up with in dance I don't see as often as I would like to, or many moved far away and haven't kept touch when they come home.
Maybe when we lose touch it's because we're making room for a fabulous new friend we can't live without. Just remember, Goonies never say die.
Good topic! I was, and still am very much like you and was friends with people in every cirlce.
I have spent the last year looking at my friendships and have truly been reminded how blessed I've been. I have friends that literally have been in my life since kindergarten and we still talk regularly. In fact we just had a date night with our husbands last weekend! I have a group of girls that I met, from another school, that have been by my side through it all since the
8th grade. I then met another group of girls in my early 20's that I see yearly and on special occasions. And then I have my one true bff, Ashley. I met her 9 years ago and we've been through it ALL together.
All of these women have other girlfriends and friends through their spouses too. Some I know, some I only know of but I see that we all work really hard to stay close!
The two girls in my first wedding were 1. a friend, whom I do not speak with anymore and 2. my cousin, whom I'm emailing as we speak! I've lost touch with some girls along the way that I never thought would happen, but when I see them it's always fun! We always promise to call and never do but that too is okay.
My parents have been friends with the same group of people since they were kids. I grew up that way too and have been blessed with the same wonderful friendships!
of course you know me well.... but I still keep in touch with so many. I may not talk to them on a weekly or monthly basis, but we still get in touch and see each other once a year. Actually, this weekend I'm going to El Dorado, AR and will get to see my good friend Elizabeth from college. I was in her wedding back around 5 years. I saw her last in the fall when she came and stayed with me. I'm also going to the New Kids concert (LOL) in Dallas with three college girlfriends (including Mandy)in June. You are the BEST, though, at keeping in touch with folks.
Still friends with all 5 of my bridesmaids and that was 7 years ago. I have friends that I talk to weekly that I have known since first grade and high school. My closest friends are my college friends. There is ten of us that were sorority sisters. After college we all moved around etc. We would mass email non-stop. So we started our own girls "site" on myfamily.com. It's not public. We all have to sign in. It's awesome. We post pics, post information. Make annoucements. There is even a calendar section for birthdays anniversaries, etc. We've had it for almost ten years. This is way before blogs, facebook etc. were around. I also have one with my family. It's a great site and it's only $30 a year!
I'm like you - I always had several different groups of friends. In college, I was friends with girls from my sorority, but then I had a whole other group of girls that I hung out with. Same with high school - I had my cheerleading friends and then I had my other group of girls.
I got married when I was 23 right out of college, so it's not that I'm NOT friends with all of the girls that were in my wedding, but we've all changed and moved on to different things in life. I had 8 bridesmaids and I still talk to 4 of them all the time. I still consider the other 4 friends, but we don't see or talk to each other very often.
I still talk to my BFF every week and we've been friends since Kindergarten. In fact, we're both pregnant right now and due within days of each other, but even our relationship has changed because we're in different cities.
I have a wonderful group of girls here in town that are truly my best, best friends. We do everything together and I know I can call them any time. And I've also made some fantastic friendships through blogging. We all email each other on a daily basis. It's pretty amazing!
I'm totally like you in that I have tons of different sets of friends. I think that is a good quality to have!
Keeping in touch is so hard and definitely works both ways! I think it is harder when they're out of state so you end up not having as much in common. You're so sweet to keep that contact though. Bridesmaids are typically and in my opinion should be, your lifeline friends even if you don't talk to them every day or week or month.
Thoughtful post. My VERY best friend growing up and I are hardly close at all anymore and it's so sad. We didn't have a falling out, but she is married and has two kids. We live only 20 mins apart but only make time to see each other a handful of times a year. I wish I could blame her but it's just as much my fault. I stood in her wedding 2 yrs ago and I think even then it was mostly b/c we were BFFs for almost 10 yrs, not as much b/c we were close anymore. It just feels somewhat uncomfortable now though I often feel nostalgic and sad about it. I of course would have her in my wedding too but it would be 'just because' ya know? So ya, it's interesting to read this b/c I feel (hope) everyone can relate in some way, though I WISH i couldn't!
I think that's true when someone marries at a young age. I've been in friends' weddings...and haven't seen them SINCE the wedding day - sad. Like you, I got married in my 30s, and I feel like the women who were my BMs and I have already endured all the crazy post-college changes that sometimes distance friendships. I hope so, anyway! Sweet post!
Oh, girl. I am exactly like you. The women in my wedding were all from different stages of my life. I don't have a group of close girlfriends who hang out together all the time.
I think there is some truth to what your co-workers say, but at the same time, I understand where you're coming from. I feel the same way in that I chose those women to be in my wedding because I DO feel like they'll be in my life forever. Good friendships do take work, and it just depends on how much you're willing to invest. Great post.
Good post! I get it, from your point and what your co worker said. My friend in my wedding lives in Houston, and she did then too, so we had already grown apart in some ways. I mean we both had new groups of friends. But we can not talk for months and when we get on the phone it's like we never missed a beat. Now growing up I had friends from all circles. and I have lost contact with many of those (we are on FB now, but there is no bond)m and for a few of them it makes me really sad. But you know Mark has had the same group of friends since birth, literally. And I have become friends with their girlfriends and wives. My friends have changed, his have not. And he doesn't really want more. I get that too. I had one BFF for several years. And we did have a falling out, we now chat onFB some. But even if we hadn't had our breakup, I think things would be different because she got invovled with her hubbies friends. I am struggling now to make friends. All though I don't really have time to develop a deep friendship. Just like any relationship you have to work on it. People do change and sometimes you are not in the same place in your life anymore. I can certainly tell a difference in my friendships with my 2 BFF's who dont have kids. SAD!
You and your girlfriends are gorgeous!!! It's so sad to think some friends come and go. My closest gfs I have had since middle school, but I already feel like I lost touch with one of the girls in my wedding. With the situation with her, it's hard to know what to do... I'm torn and it makes me so sad.
Great post!
XOXO
We only had 4 people in our wedding and 2 were siblings. The other two are best friends and I cannot imagine loosing touch with them. But I know many people who don't talk to the people from their wedding. It is just sad.
I have been in 5 weddings {not counting my brother's} and I have drifted apart from 3 of those people. One was by choice, the other 2 just happened due to differences in life and distance. We still do the Christmas card thing, but that is it. Sorta sad.
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